Twitter and all That

Recently I did something I haven't properly done in a while. I wrote. I wrote a story, a fiction story in which the girl is lured in by a serial killer over the web and he ends up killing her. I might not be the best person to have written this story since most of my favorite people are the ones I found over the net, be it facebook or Twitter. 

I know my best friend because of Facebook. If we hadn't added each other, we might still be old school batch mates. Facebook witnessed the biggest crush I've ever had on a girl. But facebook and what happened on it is a part of history now. My history. 

I've been on twitter for almost an year now and I'm sure I won't be the only one saying that I've found some of the most intelligent people I've ever known right on that one site.  I came to twitter to let my demons out. I couldn't share everything on facebook to it thought twitter was a better platform. I really don't care about the number of followers that I have since I use it for myself rather than anyone else. So I thought I might just take some time out to actually recognize them. Please be certain that I am a huge fan of each of them for one or the other reason. 

First and foremost are obviously my sweethearts Nimisha and Ankita. I love these girls to bits.  Literally.  Former being one of the strongest person I know to latter being my partner in crime. I dont think I would have continue to use twitter if it wasn't for these two. 

Second there is Harnidh. Easily one of the most intelligent person ever considering she is just 18. She's my own personal John Mayer which says more about her than I ever can. I even have mentioned her in one of my earlier posts and frankly saying, it's still the same. She challenges my thinking and ideas so much that I actually got bored when she was off twitter for a while. OK enough fan-boying. 

Then there's Noor. You know how people say there's a connection that you have with people that is what I have with her. She's easily one of the most talented people I know. Amazing photographer, designer and a much better human. She's like my sister and I'll infact always treat her like one. I'll always try to cheer her up and scold her when she goes way deep into things. 

Saumya, she doesn't use twitter much but we talk over the phone every day. She's probably the only person in the world who love me for my voice. Really, she does. She's a good friend and more than that she is a part of my routine now. 

Last but definitely not the least, there's Pankaj or whatever his name is. A true celebrity. Really.  He writes the best tweets in the whole wide world and is still such a awesome person that he'd reply to someone like, say me. Anything he writes, be it sarcasm or inspirational comes for real life instances that makes them ever better. If there's one person you should follow, it's him. 

Others which don't use twitter now include Nazi and Michelle. Both of them still have a special place and I sincerely hope they'd come back soon. 

Cyber Sin

“So, Cindy, we’re up for tomorrow?”

Cindy got nervous. Was this actually happening or was she dreaming?

“There?”

Another message popped on her laptop screen.

She was fumbling with the keyboard and thinking of what she was going to reply. She wanted to meet him, which she was sure off. Just then, something happened and out of natural instinct, she typed, “Can’t wait” and hit enter.

“See you tomorrow at 6 then. Bye and take care” popped up and he logged off.

She rolled down on her bed and slid under her blanket smiling to herself. ‘He finally asked me out’, she thought to herself and blushed. Cindy has been friends with a guy called Eric over a social networking site. It had all started when he added her as a friend. Cindy wasn’t very lucky in love at that time. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and Eric seemed like a nice guy, average looks but according to his likes and interests he seemed intelligent. So she finally decided to add him up. They got to talking and within days they became really good friends. Both of them had a lot in common, both liked the same kind of music, both liked the same kind of music. She felt she could share everything with him. She told him about how her father left her family when she was little and how her mother had to raise her up. She told him about all of her previous relationship and even how she lost her virginity. She though he was the only person in the world who really understood her. She felt as if they were soul mates.

She actually never realized when or how she fell in love with him. Eric flirted but was very shy. She knew he won’t ever be the one who’ll ask her out first. So, she did. But he always declined. He always had some important work to do. He always, always said no. It let her to believe he wasn’t really that into her but she wanted to know for sure.

Yesterday, she finally bought up the courage to tell him about her feelings. He didn’t say anything. He just said he wanted to think and he logged off. Those eight hours were the hardest hours in Cindy’s life. She kept checking her laptop to see if he had replied something, anything at all. But he hadn’t, she knew she had screwed it up. They had a good thing going and she screwed up, she said to herself. She couldn’t sleep the whole night, thinking about what she had done and what Eric was going to think of her, whether he would ever talk to her again or not?

Having barely slept she didn’t wanted to go to her job the next day but she had to. She had been cranky all day today, which was partially the result of no sleep and partially being worried sick about Eric.

At around seven she finally reached home and as tired as she was, usually she would just run up to the bed and sleep but this time was different. She ran up to her laptop to check if Eric had messaged her and he did.

“I have thought about it and I want to give you something before”

She was very happy but a little confused as to what he wanted to give. But more importantly, this message was a good sign.

“What is it? And how? Do you want to meet up?”

She replied, feeling a little guilty about asking him to meet up. She feared if she was being too forward but what’s done was done now. All she could do was wait for his reply and luckily she didn’t have to wait long.

“Yes, tomorrow? :)”?

She squealed in excitement.

“Yes done” she replied.

She couldn’t believe she was finally going to meet Eric. She wanted to sleep as soon as possible so that she would look refreshed when she meets her tomorrow so she popped a Xanax that her doctor had prescribed if she ever needed it. She had been in therapy ever since her father left her but she felt like she didn’t need it anymore. She slept peacefully.

Next evening, she got there exactly on time but Eric was nowhere to be seen. She had only seen him in pictures and wasn’t really sure how he was going to look in real life. Just then a hand tapped on her shoulder and she turned around immediately.

Eric was smiling at her, she smiled back and they both hugged each other. Cindy saw that he was wearing his black suit and she was wearing her favorite little black dress.  Both of them seemed too excited and nervous so no one was ready to break the ice.

“Finally!” Cindy said and smiled.

Eric smiled back, “Finally indeed”.

The rest of the evening went very well. Both of them talked as if they had known each other for a long time. It had grown dark now and Eric asked if he could drop Cindy home. She said yes and both of them got into the car.

Finally they reached outside Cindy’s home and Cindy asked Eric to stop his car. He pressed brakes little too hard and car screeched to a stop right outside her house. Both were looking towards each other, waiting for the other person to say something. Ultimately Eric leaned in and kissed Cindy. She felt as if the whole universe made sense to her right now. She felt this unstoppable urge to keep kissing him that tears literally came out of her eyes without ever her realizing.

He finally let go. She smiled at him, “You had something for me?” wiping away the tears.

“Oh yes, come outside” and he got out of the car and went to the trunk.

She followed.

He smiled at her and said, “Its inside” as he opened the trunk.

She leaned in to see what her gift was and just then Eric hit her hard on the back of her head and she fell right into the trunk, knocked out. He closed the trunk and got into the car and rode away as fast as he could.

He stopped a mile north of the main highway, got out and opened the trunk. He had a baseball bat in his hand this time. She was still lying unconscious. He squirted some water onto her and she woke up with a headache as bad as she felt her head was going to explode. She looked up and saw Eric standing there with the bat in his hand. She felt tears on her cheeks again but this time they were because of extreme sadness. He pulled her out of the car. Cindy didn’t run. She knew there was no point, she just stood there looking at him.

He smiled and slammed the bat right into her skull. Pieces of her brain, hair and skull exploded in every direction. Even Eric was covered with blood and small pieces of her brain. He kicked the body, wiped off some of the blood off his shirt, got into the car, smiled again and backed over her headless dead body. He put the car in first gear and rode over the body once again, just for fun and finally rode off back to his house.

He drove into his garage and got out of the car, taking the bat out with him. He directly went into his bathroom and started scraping dried out blood and other things from his bat when he heard a ring. It was from his laptop. He left the bat in the bathroom and walked over to the table where the laptop was kept. A message had popped up.

“Kevin, honey I think I am falling for you. You really understand me. I want to meet you as soon as I can. Please can you come tomorrow at The Palm at 6? Waiting for your reply. Katy xx”

He curled his lips and let out another smile.

Inferno

It was way early in the morning for joggers to come out and way late in the night for drunks to roam around. He woke up as if all the air was suddenly pumped back into his lungs. He gasped and sat up, breathing heavily as if he had not been unconscious but been running, a lot. He saw himself, all covered in mud but still buck naked. This wasn’t his first time and he knew it wasn’t the last. He had learned to handle these kind of situations. It was hard initially to go back to the house walking around naked and not get spotted but he knew how to hide now. He sat up and started pacing towards his house which was still about 10 miles to go. He had around two hours till the sun comes up and people wake up. Street lights on either side of the road weren’t helping in the whole hiding thing. He started to pace up, almost running. Since this started he had ridiculous stamina to work with, so he knew he won’t be tired after running 10 miles. Train of thoughts led him to where it all started.

He, Derek was just like any other straight A student one can ever meet. Nerdy but kind of cute and no real interest in sports of any kind, but his physical features told otherwise. He was always the tallest in his class, always had a well-shaped, well-built body like a quarterback would normally have. When asked how, he always use to say heredity. All during his education, his coaches tried their best to persuade him into sports but he just wasn’t into it. He liked studying. He used to go to the sloped roof of his house and study for hours at a stretch. Overall, he was a wonderful boy.

Love for education inspired him to become a teacher and that too for middle school because he thought that was when you can motivate students to study and not waste their time on other activities. He was very regular teacher who loved his students and his students loved him. Everything was going really well until that night happened.

It was a hot summer night and moon was at full but due to some reason there was mist in the air. He was coming back from out of town from a friend’s house. It was school tomorrow so he didn’t wanted to be late, so he was driving faster than he normally would. It was late and there won’t be any traffic, Derek thought to himself. Just after passing the 15 mile milestone he saw a shadow creeping on the road very fast from the left side. He acted quick and pushed the brakes as hard as he could. Distance between the shadow, which was now standing still in the middle of the road and his car was less than he anticipated and the way the car was going, he was sure it would his the person behind that shadow. Derek slightly rotated the steering towards right. He knew it was a mistake right from the moment he realized that the car wouldn’t be able to balance the shift properly. The car toppled, turned twice, knocked the person over, turned over three times further and finally clashed into a tree.

Derek regained consciousness after a while. His head was bleeding and hurting badly and his arm seemed to be broken but everything else seemed to be alright. He suddenly remembered the other person, the one he had smashed across. He somehow managed to crawl his way out of the car and started sliding towards branch of the tree to help himself get up. He now realized his leg had been broken too but weirdly, it wasn’t hurting. He limped back to the place he saw the shadow and found something which can only be described as what was a human body before being squashed like tomato. When the car was turning over, it seemed to have landed directly on this person’s head. Looking at his clothes and body, or whatever was left of his Derek deduced that it was a guy, probably a hitchhiker or a drifter.

He sat down then and there with his heart beating so fast he thought it might just jump out of his mouth. He had just killed a guy. He never killed anything, he was the least violent person but now he had just killed someone. Someone who had family, friends and a life but now was just a pile of minced meat.

Suddenly, he felt something, something that he had never felt. He felt his temperature rising, he felt his blood starting to boil. He was sweating a lot. He looked around, the mist had cleared a bit and there was his car smashed into a tree. He was heating up to the point that his sweat had actually started to evaporate. Derek suddenly felt his bone in the broken leg break further. He let out a huge cry due to the unbearable pain. Same thing happened with his other leg. The pain was more than he could ever imagine. Suddenly all other bones started breaking too. His eyes had turned red and he was just sitting there crying in pain as each bone in his body broke, rejoined and broke again. It was far too painful for him to understand what was happening. He took a look at his hands which had turned into paws. He felt himself growing and shrinking at the same time. The pain was unbearable.

Derek passed out due to all the pain and woke up a few minutes late. He was breathing heavily, but the pain had gone. His vision was still blurry as he started to get up. He felt himself get up and suddenly realized he wasn’t as tall as he used to be. His head was only at half the height where it used to be. He looked on his body and let out another cry, this time due to shock not pain. He turned into a dog or a wolf of some kind. He had read stories about it, watched movies but never thought it could happen to him too.

Weirdly, as opposed to all the stories and the movies it was still him. It was as if Derek’s brain was put inside a wolf’s body. He had his thoughts but couldn’t speak them. Every time he opened his mouth he could just let out a howl. The only difference was his instinct had changed. His gut was just telling him to run, so he ran, faster than he ever could have thought. He leapt across fences or any boundaries. Suddenly, he came to a stop.

He saw a deer trying to drink water from the lake. He sat down in an attacking position. Derek didn’t want to hurt the deer but he felt his animal instinct taking over him, he just wanted it to stop so he could just go home and go to school tomorrow. He wanted to forget it as if it were a dream. The animal inside of him made him jump and landed right next to the deer drinking water. The punched his paw deep into his neck and scratched it to the point his nails reached his spine. He let another blow, this time directly to the spine and the deer thumped to the ground. Blood started pouring out of his neck which made the animal inside of Derek wanted it more.

Derek’s brain was actually trying to stop it but couldn’t do anything. He opened his mouth as wide as he could and ripped most of the deer’s skin off. He scratched hard again directly into the flesh. The scratch was deep enough to as show his heart, which was still beating although feebly. Derek knew he couldn’t stop anything so he gave in. He saw himself mauling a deer down to his bones. Everything that happened after it was a blur.

He woke up the next morning while it was still dark outside his house on the flowerbed. He was naked and covered in remains of his flowers and mud. He felt feverish but somehow he managed to get inside his house and he passed out again.

Woke up an hour later feeling better. So, he took a shower and got ready to work. He knew what he had done last done, he knew of the things he was going to do in the nights to come and he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. The animal was a part of him now. His instinct was Derek’s instinct. The animal was, in all sense, Derek himself.

Pain

As the lead singer for The Door, Jim Morrison puts it beautifully,“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” 

Everyone feels pain, no matter how much they claim to be made of stone to be. We feel pain so in our daily life that we even choose to ignore the most of it. Even a foot in the wrong shoe causes us pain, a simple thorn, a pinch, no text from a certain someone can cause pain but it happens with us so much that our mind and body choose to ignore it. Pain is basically of two types, the physical pain and the mental pain. But in some special circumstances both can happen together. You mind might be so fucked up that it actually, physically hurts. Let’s talk only about the mental one because the other case might be too obvious.

Have you ever felt so much pain in your heart that you want to rip it out of your chest by your own bare hands just to make it stop? Or you ever felt so much pain in your gut that you feel like someone stabbed you a million times and checking of it actually hurts by stabbing a million times more? If you have, then you know what I mean. The pain of a heartbreak, the pain of death of someone you love, the pain of seeing someone go leaving you stranded alone, the feeling when you get when you feel disappointed or a million time worst, the feeling you get when you know you have unintentionally disappointed someone? All of these are the worst pains imaginable and you have experienced any one of it, you might be thinking about it right about… now.

There is a really good theory that you need to feel the pain to make yourself feel alive. I, for one am not a preacher of that theory, but yes I do understand what they mean. You see people want to feel, pain for example is better than feeling nothing. When you feel nothing, you ARE nothing. You don’t even have empathy, but when you start to feel, even pain, yours or someone else’s you feel alive. You feel human.

Its simple math, you need to feel it to overcome it. You need to be weak today to be stronger tomorrow. You need to experience it to know how to knock it down. It what makes you capable to doing something great. Some people feel pain but choose to ignore it. It’s like taking a painkiller. It just suppresses the pain, doesn’t end it and also it’s harmful for you. Same way when you try to suppress pain, it WILL come back and it might come back when you are at your weakest. So don’t ignore it, fight it.  

Some people feel it easier not to be attached with someone fearing they might leave someday. You NEED to understand that everyone, EVERYONE is going to cause you pain no matter how far or close you are to them. It’s just about deciding which ones are worth. Also, when you are distancing people away you are giving up on a lot of those beautiful moments that you get to feel with people you care about, the people you love. So don’t be an asshole and run away from people, be with them, love them and take care of them. Pain, however more or less will be worth it I promise. 

To be honest I didn’t expected this to go so long. Also you might feel a little dizzy after reading it because I made most of it up while writing, so it’s just a bunch of unorganized thoughts. Weirdly, you can see my entire thought process in here. Anyhow, share. It’s the best thing you can do when you feel pain. Share with people you love or me. I’m always here to help you out whenever you need me.

Thank you for reading it.

Doop, Woop and Hooligans

See first of all I would like to mention that this is not a piece of fiction, so if I’ve referred you on my blog saying I write fiction, you should rather see my old posts. This and again this post is solely rather dedicated to my time away from here. I seriously doubt I have a single regular reader but even if you randomly visit my blog you must have noticed the sudden decline in my number of posts. See, for me writing was a way of escaping reality. Some people read, I used to write, plain and simple. So for the past six- seven months or so I’ve been happy, satisfied and jocund, which I consider the biggest reason for me to not write anything because I didn’t really had my demons to fight with, I had my angels. I didn’t felt the need to go and write shit down in order to redeem myself from the turmoil’s building inside of me for there were none. I am happy.

As I had already said, writing for me was my way of escaping reality. I was the literal God. I created people and destroyed at my own will. I could put my own self in any condition and end it the way I want it to be. I didn’t have any limitations. The sense of power that you get when you see writing that way becomes addictive, which I think is one of the reasons that writers addicted to writing have to, HAVE to write something or the other every day.

In the past few months, I’ve had the privilege of going through the writing of other mortals that have made me kind of doubt myself as a writer and/or as a thinker. I’ve been active on twitter which gave me the chance to see people writing beautifully in just 140 characters. I tried writing something in that limit but always seem to fail. I think I still need a bigger platform, hence this post. Also I’ve read some amazing blogs over the last few days, one of them being foreverawkwardsandlearning.blogspot.in. This is run by a girl named Harnidh Kaur, a history student. The main and most probably the only reason I’m sharing it here because her writing needs to get out more. I’ve been here since over a year and if I can get a few of you guys to read her stuff, my purpose of sharing it would’ve succeeded. She or actually her writings gave me my actual reason of why I didn’t wanted to write anymore.

According to her writings, I am now saved. I don’t have the urge to write anything now. Me, who used to call myself a writer has now realize I was just a storyteller, the stories being the happenings in my mind which came out in words forming different stories.

So, summing up I hope whoever ends up reading it have the time to go through my other writings because, not to brag or anything, they are good. I hope you be as happy as I like to believe I am. 

First Cry

He put the key into ignition and the car roared to life. He was too much in a hurry to realize he had forgotten his seatbelt. He wasn’t prepared for it. After all it was still a week before the due date of the birth of his first child. They had been planning it for months now, taking all the classes about handling the kids and other parenting classes. They did everything by the book and why they won’t. They didn’t want any stone left unturned for this day to be perfect. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t even close. While he was struck at his office, she was in the house waiting for him to come back. He had started doing extra shifts now they were going to have an extra mouth to feed. She didn’t mind but still wished they could spend more time together now as after the birth getting some private time might be of some problem at least for some time.

He raced past a red light. He normally would have stopped but this was an emergency, it was night time, no one’s going to notice if I jump a signal he said to himself. While they had practiced getting to the hospital more than a hundred times, he had mentally been on the same route a million times. They had the emergency kit planned with everything necessary inside it, everything mentioned by the instructor in one of the thousand classes they had attended. But you can only be so much ready as you don’t know when it is going to strike. It had been over fifteen minutes since he had received the call from the neighbors’ that his wife’s water broke and she was in labor and were rushing her to the hospital. They would have been around the parking by now he though judging by the time that had passed and the traffic at this time of the night.

By the time he reached the hospital, he knew she was probably inside the delivery room so he didn’t ask at the reception and ran directly towards the room. His neighbors were standing outside the room, he just ran towards them to ask how she was. They calmed him down and told him everything was all right but she hadn’t dilated much for the delivery to happen so it was going to take some time. She had been feeling a lot of pain so the doctors gave her a pain killer to calm her down. He thanked them for helping them out and escorted them out.

Now he was finally alone in a hospital full of diversified noises. He sat down on a chair directly in front of the door of the delivery room and just stared into blank space in front of him. it was just him and his thoughts left now that he pondered up on.

Both of them were orphans, grown up in the same orphanage with rooms literally a stone’s throw distance. He knew because they used to throw pebbles in each other’s room when they were younger. None of them knew what it felt like to have a parent. As long as either of them could remember, they had to take care of themselves otherwise no one would. The childhood friendship blossomed into love. In their own way, one of them completed the other. He was more focused on getting a better life to live in, while she was more focused to have a life with him. Both of them had a tough childhood, so the moment they decided to get married, they wanted to make sure they were going to be the best parents to their child they could possibly be. Only when you don’t have something is when you realize its actual worth. Both of them knew what it meant to have a protective hand of a parent over their head. He studied and became an architect and she an interior designer, both of them best at what they did. He designed houses, she designed homes. Like always, they had each other for the rest of their life.

Three months into their marriage they finally decided to try to start a family. A few months later, on a Sunday morning as he distinctly remembers, he was woken up after she almost jumped over him sleeping. He somehow managed to shake the last of the sleep from his eyes and saw her smiling over him. She wasn’t the prettiest girl he had ever seen on moments like these it didn’t matter to him if there was any other girl in the world except for her. He asked about what happened that she had to wake him up like she did, she kissed him on his forehead and then on his nose followed by a tender kiss on the lips and went straight to his ear and whispered “I’m pregnant” slowly. Happiness knew no boundary was just an expression for him until now. He picked her up swooned her across the room crying out he was going to be a father. It was the happiest moment in his life, yet.

They went to the doctor very next day and the doctor strictly gave him instructions to take extra care of her from now on since she was expecting. There was that day and there is this day, when his child is finally going to be born that he took all the duties of the house to himself, cooking, cleaning, everything. He made sure he attended all the pre-parental meetings. He started saving by working extra time now they had to pay for the education too. He made sure she took a walk every evening, even went with her almost every day.

All of that planned for the perfect day, the day the orphans became parents. It was now.

He crashed back into reality with the sound of a baby crying out loudly. Obviously his first thought was the sound came from his own baby but then he realized he was in a room full of crying infants each of them trying to make louder crying sounds and smellier poops than the other. He smiled to himself that his days of waking up late in the night to clean out the baby’s nappies were going to start. A nurse came in to inform him that his wife was finally in the delivery room and that he would be called on soon. He had imagined a thousand ways of how his life would have turned out but this, how it was presently paramounted all of them. After another few minutes nurse came out and called him inside. He got up from the chair he now realized he had been sitting on for the past two hours. It was almost early morning and the place was still buzzing as the peak time in the vegetable market. He tried walking as fast as he could but his world seemed to slow down tremendously somehow. Everything around him was in slow motion now. There wasn’t any sound anywhere, any crying babies, and no mothers crying harder to make their baby to stop crying. He just walked directly into the room and saw his wife laying on a special bed made for delivery purpose. He saw a baby, a small beautiful creature in the arms of the nurse and suddenly everything came back into its pace. He ran up to the nurse, took the baby. She smiled and said “It’s a boy” and handled the new born to him. The baby was still covered in blood and other fluids but looked like the most beautiful creature to ever breathe in the air of this earth. He just kept staring at the baby and didn’t realize that tears came running down from the ends of his eyes. He had never been so careful in his entire life while he was holding that little bundle of joy. He glanced over to his wife, she was exhausted but not in a bad way, a refreshing kind of way. She looked at him and smiled. He could see she didn’t have much strength but she still managed to open her mouth and say “He’s got your nose” and just smile after that.

He took his finger and brought closer to the baby. He was almost amazed to see how small babies are with their tiny feet and even tinier hands. The baby pulled out one hand and held his finger as tightly as he could hold. Just then the baby started to cry as if he was getting hungry. He had been waiting for the past eight and a half months to hear his baby’s first cry. While holding the baby as carefully as ever, he looked through the window to the sky and thanked god for he had brought the greatest joy to them as they could ever feel. It was the greatest moment of his life.

Valentine's Day

Love, the most widely used but least understood word in the whole while world. A mother’s sacrifice, a father’s proud, a sibling’s fight, a broken heart’s tragedy and a lover’s heartbeat. Love a just a four letter word which makes your world turn inside out, out and about. You don’t really step in it, you fall in it, head over heels, no holds barred. If you are in you are in and certainly there is no way out. People have been grown up over the years listening to love sucks, love hurts, it’s over rated and all, but basically the thing to be remembered is that love is the greatest feeling you’ll ever feel in your otherwise sad and pathetic life. Love doesn’t suck, rejection sucks. Love doesn’t hurt, being in love with someone who won’t ever be in love with you sucks.

Now I know the dynamics of love have changed over the years. The love which happened over passing of notes is now changed to texting and phone calls. The secret meetings have changed to video calls on Skype, but as a whole the dynamics of the feeling are still the same. Your heartbeat still rises when you are about to open a text from the one you love as same as which happened when you opened a love note. You still get sweaty palms, blurred vision and increase heartbeat when you meet the one you love. The only thing that has actually changed is the point of view of people in love. They need something to define their love by, the need to sleep with each other to prove they are loyal. They need to make their loved ones their own to prove how much they love them.

Being in the idea of being in love and actually being in love are two different things. You can spend hours and hours thinking about the perfect mate for you, their physical traits, their mental traits, their fashion sense and all that shit but you need to realize that love happens when it happens. You can fall in love with a person whom you have known practically your whole life. One morning you wake up and you realize you love that person. But that doesn’t mean the other person has to have the same feelings too.

Love reinvents itself. You will fall once but you’ll keep falling over and over again for the same person even on the smallest of things like how they talk or how they speak. You’ll start loving them entirely, along with all of their faults and wrongs because you just can’t imagine your life without that one person. Love is the reason you’ll be happy. A simple litmus test to see if your present relationship is based on love or just mutual attraction is you yourself need to analyze if you are happy in it. You should be in a relationship if it makes you happy, simple. The feeling to being all closed up, no able to breathe, lack of personal space only happens when you don’t love that other person.

Love doesn’t judge. If you love a person, accept them as they are and not as how you want them to be. If there is a certain attribute of that certain person you don’t like, just talk to them. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Don’t just go on judging people based on what they do. A poor man can be rich at heart and an insanely rich one can be a pouty one.

Love forgives. If you are in a happy relationship but still out of some reason the other person commits a mistake, you should have the heart to forgive. Move on or not that comes in later, but the feeling of hatred now shatters all the feelings of love before. You will know if the person is sorry for what they don’t or not. In any case, love acts as a bigger person and when there is love, there is no place for anything else.

Love is of different kinds. But seeing as the title of this piece was Valentine’s Day, I think only a certain type of love qualifies for it. NO, Valentine’s is not the day to celebrate love; it’s the day to celebrate the one with who you are in love with. Mother’s love and all other types of love have the rest of the year; this day is specially reserved for someone special.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

The above quote from the holy bible pretty much sums all of the things I have said and even more. So you could just have read that too. Your choice.

Marriage (Part 2)

The orderlies took her to the surgery as James started to scrub up. Peter kept looking at him with a sense of awe that how is it possible that he seems so confident about Naomi could actually live after the surgery. Peter was the best, but even he had his doubts.

They were well past two hours in the surgery now. Everything was going stable. Naomi was given mild sedatives, so she wouldn’t feel a lot of pain, just enough to not let her sleep. James was sitting right beside her, trying to talk to her. The heart monitor was stable and Peter thought the surgery was going pretty good. Now was the time to inject the alcohol in the heart and as soon as Peter let in the first mm, Naomi literally jumped out of her bed screaming in pain. James knew this was going to happen so he tried to calm her down.

She was strapped down to the bed, James right besides her holding her hand. Peter took the next chance; he tried it again praying that she would be able to take it. Just as the alcohol touched her cardiac muscles, her BP went from stable to really high. Peter still somehow pushed the syringe a little further. BP paced to almost a dangerous level, he immediately withdrew the syringe.  

“Nurse, get ready to stitch her up” he said deciding there wasn’t much to be done now.

On the other side of the bed Naomi opened her eyes which James noticed were moist but he figured it might be from the pain she just went through. He took her hand and slowly lifted it to his lips and silently kissed her like he was saying he is there, he was still there. 

Suddenly a small, clear tear rolled down her eye and exactly the same moment the heart monitor started buzzing loudly and at a smaller interval.

Peter was amazed to see how that happened. It was as if her heart just gave up. It just stopped working. He brought in the defibrillator and ordered the nurse to charge it to a 100 V.

“CLEAR!!” he screamed and brought down the paddles to her chest. Nothing happened.

“Charge it to 200V”, he said and almost simultaneously nurse did exactly that.

“CLEAR!!” her body trembled but still nothing. 

Peter began pumping her heart manually. He kept applying pressure on the heart to make it work again but nothing was happening, he was almost giving up hope.

On the other side of the bed, James was much more shocked. He looked at Naomi’s face and Peter’s face then again Naomi’s trying to figure what was happening.

Just as Peter gave up on pumping, James jumped in and started pumping himself. Peter just stood there, doing nothing but watching a husband desperately trying to save his wife. He saw the whole institution of marriage in those few seconds. He didn’t call the time of death; he just stood there and waited.

On the other hand, it had been a few minutes since James had been pumping. He monitor gave a little beep and showed a slight peak every time James applied pressure but that was just because of the pumping. He was long gone by now.

“Let her go James, she is gone. Let me call it.” Peter finally said.

“NO!!” he almost screamed and suddenly lowered his voice almost apologetically.

“She isn’t dead. She can’t be dead. I can’t be the one to let her go, I can’t be the one to let her die.” He started crying.

“Here, let me do it” and Peter took the body from James and started pumping.

He locked eyes in James eyes as he watched Peter formally pumped each little heartbeat into his wife’s body. After pumping a few times, Peter finally let go.

James started crying. Peter looked at the watch and loudly said, “Time of death 0200 hrs” and walked out of the OR.

He sat on the nearest bench, engrossed in his own thoughts. He saw the perfect marriage. 

His own marriage was in the ruins but he somehow understood what he had been doing wrong. He saw his wife as someone he was made to spend his life with, not as someone who was his life partner. He suddenly stood up, changed and ran to the car.

He drove as fast as he could, which was not usually the case as he tried his best to reach the house as late as possible. He carefully sneaked in his house while his wife was still asleep. He changed and got under the covers and probably after five years wrapped his arm around his wife and lent a small kiss on her neck, laid his head on the pillow and went to finally a happy sleep.

Marriage (Part 1)

“And you make my life a living hell!!!”  Dr. Dawson screamed as he rushed out of his house to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. He paced up to the car, took out his keys but couldn’t unlock it. He kicked the side door of the car knowing it won’t help, but it felt good. He tried again and after taking a deep breath he finally succeeded. He almost simultaneously put the car into reverse as he turned on the radio. The radio guy said it might rain tonight. This night just keep on getting better and better, Peter thought to himself.

Dr. and Mrs. Peter Dawson had been married for just a little over five years. The marriage was love-cum-arranged. They knew each other since the last ten years and their families decided on their wedding. Neither of them was really happy about it, but both of them accepted it as their fate. Mrs. Dawson was a primary school teacher. Surrounded by other people’s kids all the time made her realize how pathetic their married life was going, after all they had talked about it. Neither of them had the time and energy to take care of a kid. But the endorphins in Mrs. Dawson used to screw with her mind once in a while. They had legally been together since the last five years, but emotionally neither of them connected. Both of them did what other couples do and to an outside they were like a normal happy couple. But maybe they were just too good actors. There was no love between them, there never was. All they had was a sense of responsibility towards the society that married couples stick together, which they did.

But the fighting had increased since the last few weeks. Peter spent almost all of his time in the hospital and Mrs. Dawson in her bedroom crying about her life. They tried to ignore each other because they knew once they crossed path, either of them might just blow up simultaneously and shout at the other once. This night was Peter’s turn; the only mistake Mrs. Dawson did was that she forgot to put dry towel in the bathroom, this lead to a fight which somehow involved everything from Peter spending all his time in the hospital or Peter’s insecurity that she was somehow cheating on him. He never figured out why that particular thought came into his mind. He knew she was loyal, maybe he didn’t want to believe he was the reason their married life was going upside down and that too very fast.

Peter reached the hospital in almost half an hour. The rain had started almost the time he left his block and by the time Peter got out his car and ran inside the building, he was dripping wet. He cursed the rain gods once more and started walking in. The residents de-briefed him. The patient was a lady of 75 years of age with heavy artery clogging. She had been in surgery four times in the last two months and somehow it didn’t solve the complication. He heart was now too tired to pump blood anymore. If there was any doctor in the state that could save her, it was Peter.

Peter put on his coat and went in to the room to inform the patient about the surgery she was going to have, a protocol needed to be followed. He went in and saw the patient lying on the bed almost unconscious strapped to machines designed to catch any discrepancy in her heart beat. They had attached a pacemaker to her just in case her heart gave up even before the surgery. Peter came in and saw an old man standing by the old lady, holding her hand and stroking her hair gently as if pacifying her into sleep. He was her husband. Peter looked over the charts to see the exact condition of the patient. Her name was Naomi Matthews. Her husband’s name was James Mathews. Peter noticed that the chance of this surgery going successful was almost none.

“Good Evening Mr. Matthews, my name is Dr. Peter Dawson and I will be performing the surgery.” He extended his hand.

“Good evening Dr. Dawson, please call me James.” He shook Peter’s hand. 

“Now I understand your wife had been in the OR four times in the last two months. That’s resilient to say the least.”

“Yes, she is a fighter” he said and smiled. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“Now, James it is my duty to inform you that the surgery that I am going to be perform tonight is a very complex procedure. Basically we are going to insert alcohol into the clogged artery and it would burn the extra clogging particles. Your wife, Naomi, need to be awake for the procedure so we might need you to be in the OR during the time of the surgery to be able to talk to her, keep her awake because if she sleeps it can lead to many more complications. “

“Sure, anything for her.” He said very calmly.

“And I understand you want to sign for a do not resuscitate form. Are you sure about that? A DNR form means no life support?”

“Yes, Dr. Dawson I understand. We talked about it. If it’s her times, she wants to go with dignity and not lay on bed like a breathing corpse.” James said, looking over his wife.

“Sure James, if that’s what you want. It was my duty to inform you. We should prepare for the surgery.”

James didn’t reply to Peter’s last statement. He just held his wife’s hand tightly and just kept looking at her.

“James??” Peter finally called.

“Oh sorry doctor I got lost in my thoughts.” He smiled.

“No problem James, I will go and prep the surgery.”

“You know Dr. Dawson; we have been together for the last fifty years, just her and me. We didn’t even have kids because she thought they might divide the love we had for each other. I was a soldier and every time I was called on active duty, we would say our final goodbyes knowing I might not be back, but I did. We do the same before every surgery, knowing she might not come back, but she does. But today, she isn’t even awake properly to reply to me. I can’t say my goodbye today doctor, which is how I know she isn’t going to die. She can’t go without saying goodbye to me.” He said and Peter saw, for the first time, a tear rolled down James’s wrinkly cheek. But this was neither the tear of joy or sorrow, this was the tear of him being proud of their love. Peter kept looking at James’s face lost in his own thoughts about his wife. The nurse shook him back to his senses.