Writer's Dilemma

First of all let me make this clear that I don’t see myself as a writer, I prefer myself as a storyteller or something like that. But still, the title says writer because you know, it looks cooler. I have been thinking about writing some of my thoughts down for a while now, but never quite had the time or the decency to put them into words. So, the stuff written now is a bunch of disorganized thoughts but don’t freak out, it will all make sense in the end, at least I hope they do.

First of all, I want to tell everyone that I don’t only write love stories, yes they do form a majority of the stuff I have written, but again, doesn’t love form the majority of what we are and what we live for? I, for example write my stories about stuff much more than just love, of course it includes love, but only in a much larger form then people usually infer. Like in one, it was much more about loving yourself then loving someone else or in the other it loved your dreams more than anything else. Moreover in the short stories I have recently written, there is nothing about love. They are related to other strong emotions such as rage or hate or stuff. Moreover I don’t like to write about my life, as many of the engineering pass outs from IIT’s are doing these days. It was once a nice feeling to read about someone’s campus life, or how they did something, but now it seems like everybody got through the same shit. Everybody is as screwed as the one before them. I like to write stuff I like to read. I am more of a fiction guy, kill me for that.

Secondly one of my very best friends once said that she thought writers have a really boring life, I couldn’t disagree more. I, for one think that I have had one of the most dramatic lives anyone has ever lived. You know full of drama, heartbreaks and happiness etc. But then again, everyone thinks of their life like this. If someone is a writer doesn’t mean that his/her life is going to be any different than any Tom, Dick or Harry out there. Everybody is the hero of their own story; I like to think myself as one, just like everybody else.

Thirdly my relation with all the main characters of my stories, people seem to think I write from my life experience or stuff. I do, but not as much as you think. The only exception I would think of is the lead male characters of ALL of my stories. I have been all of them, at one time or the other. I, and this might be only my opinion, but I still think every writer knits his lead character from somewhere deep inside of him or her. So even if there might not be any direct relation between the writer and his lead character, there will be millions of them indirectly.

And for the fourth and last point, I have been many times criticized that my stories don’t have a happy ending and someone or the other gets kills in them. For this I only have one thing to say, “Life has no happy endings, even if it does, I haven’t seen it. Believe me, when I do, I’ll write it.”

Not a Love Story

They say mirror reflects you what kind of a person you are inside. What you feel is clearly shown inside it. Even the old fairy tale to Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs has the mention of a special kind of mirror which shows the reflection of the most beautiful women in all the land. Well, they are all shit. You see what you look like to other people in the mirror, that’s just about it. Now when I watch myself in the mirror right now, I see a fat guy in his mid forties, balding, wearing a blood strained blue shirt and black trouser and holding a shovel covered with blood and what I think it the portion of the intestine of one of the two people I just killed.

I was never the kind of a kid who would like to go outside and play with the other kids. I actually hated them running around creating a mess all around. All the grownups used to laugh when they broke something. I never understood what with that. It was I guess in my early teens, the times when kids start to grow up, start doing the grownup stuff. The first time I felt like hitting someone. By now you might have guessed I didn’t have the highest of the self esteem you will see in a kid of my age. I was round, fat and grumpy. The other kids used to bully me, pull my hair, sometimes even my shorts down. I remember one time I was walking down the hallway in school when one of the kids jumped in from behind and pulled down my pants. It felt as if all the girls of the school were standing there. I felt as if I should take the fire extinguisher and hit that little kid so hard, but I didn’t, instead I started to cry. It was one of those many nights that I cried myself to sleep. But that is not the main part of the story, so moving on. I finally finished my studies with a very average marks, got myself a low paying job, and a girlfriend, yes I know, I got a girlfriend. It could have been a big deal if my own girlfriend wouldn’t have been making an ass out of me behind my back.  I got dumped, twice, by the same woman, that was the time when I decided I didn’t need any women in my life to screw me up. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt sick about myself.

Marriage is more of an obligation in India rather than a tradition. The more I tried to postpone it, the more my parents were determined to get me married. As I have already told that I don’t really look like a Tom Cruise, even though I have his height. So naturally I was rejected many times when my parents finally found someone who was willing to bear me for the rest of her life. The marriage went off really well; I was the first night after the marriage which was the problem. She was sitting there fully dressed up and waiting for me, but I just couldn’t get the courage to touch her. I thought it might just offend her. I took my pillow and slept on the couch that night, and for every night ever since.

It had been about 2 months in our marriage and she was trying very hard to please me. She cooked for me, took care of me when I felt sick. It was the first time for me that someone actually cared for me, except for my mother, but she is a mother, they have to care. I don’t know she did it because she loved me or just because she thought it was her duty to serve her husband well. But I never somehow got up the courage to ask her.

As it had been a long time, people in my office, bad people I mean, wanted me to give a party because of the wedding. Mostly they all wanted to team up and embarrass myself in front of my wife. I ignored all of them, except Jimmy. Jimmy was the kind of guy women would dream when they are with a guy like me. He was, if I am not being modest, one of the finest specimens of human males, and by the way, the only guy in the office who wasn’t a jerk to me. He was nice, warm and a truly genial person. When he advised me to arrange a party, I just couldn’t refuse.

The party went off well, I wasn’t teased much, nobody laughed at my fat stomach more then they usually do. It heredity people, get over it. There were now just a few people left, Jimmy and a few other guys from my work, and yes, my wife. Everybody in my office seemed to like her, her not me. I don’t really understand why. I have been working there for more than a year and still no one even recognizes me properly. Moving on, Jimmy seemed to enjoy chatting up with my wife along with other guys while I started cleaning up. It felt kind of weird seeing two of them together, talking to each other, with an occasional giggle from my wife. I felt kind of sick, my hands started to become warm. For the first time in my time since I have known Jimmy, I felt to as if slap him, but of course I didn’t. I continued cleaning up.

Jimmy hanging around in my house after office almost became a routine for him. It was as if he had a certain connection with me, or my wife now. He came over almost every day, would tell us hilarious stories, the kind of stories my kind of people might never have been part of. Sometimes he would come over even when I was not in the house. I, for obvious reasons didn’t like it, and of course didn’t say anything.

Today, Jimmy was absent from work. I wasn’t really worried because my wife had also gone to her parent’s house spend the night. I thought it would be a good time to hit the bar and soak up some booze. I usually leave my office at 5 and reach home by 6, but today I straight went to the bar and started drinking bourbon. Yes, guy like me drinking bourbon, it can happen. I thought of stopping by Jimmy’s place just to see if he was ok or not. It was dark and I was drunk, but I finally managed to find the right house. As I stepped off from my car, I heard screaming coming out the house. I would usually pee myself in a situation like this but maybe it was the booze or something else, but I got the courage to pick up the shovel from the garden and face whatever is in there. The weird thing was every light was off, except for the bedroom.

I slowly walked towards the bedroom window, trying not the make a sound. It wouldn’t have made such a difference as the screaming was loud enough to cover it. But I still walked slowly because I saw it in a movie one and it looked cool. As I almost reached the window, the screaming had now softened and reached at a point of almost moaning. I felt kind of silly standing there thinking what I was thinking, but I came as far as here; I thought a look wouldn’t hurt. As I peeked into the bedroom, I saw a man and women, well doing stuff. Man was definitely Jimmy but I couldn’t recognize the women, though she looked familiar. When they stopped to change positions, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The women was no one else than my own wife.

Let me clarify this in advance or it may be perceived in a wrong sense but I have never really been a violent person. I might be the most harmless person you will ever meet, but I don’t know what happened to me at that time, as I said earlier, I don’t know if it was the alcohol or anything else, but at that moment I felt something I had never felt before, rage. I felt as if my hands are starting to tingle and all I want was to go inside and smash their heads with all the strength I have, however less it may be. I swear time slowed down and my mind started playing with me, I am telling you, alcohol and rage is not a good combination. My mind wandered into my childhood as long as I might remember and I started to see the pictures of everything bad that has ever happened to me. Every time someone bullied me, laughed at me, cheated on me and made others to laugh at me. It somehow grew in my head and my heart started pumping blood to my brain so hard that I felt my brain would explode at any minute now, but all I could think of was the ways I can make everybody who made an ass out of me pay.

Without realizing I smashed the window pane with the shovel I had in my hand just hoping my brain would stop playing games with me, the moaning stopped and both Jimmy and my wife looked up and saw me standing out in the window with a shovel in my hand. All I could see on their face was fear, exactly like what other people would have seen in my eyes over the years. Suddenly I saw everyone’s face, everyone who has ever hurt me, in the shadow of their faces. I knew I couldn’t stop myself now and finally I jumped onto the window into the room and started running towards the bed. My wife was so scared she covered himself up with the sheet and interestingly enough her face was actually whiter then the bed sheet. Jimmy got up to stop me but with all the strength I had I smashed the shovel across Jimmy’s face and knocked him out. Seeing him like that made me feel like a god, seeing him like that made me do it more. I went up to the bed and started hitting my wife with the pointy side of the shovel. I kept hitting her head till I heard her skull cracking and blood oozing out of her head. I turned around and I saw Jimmy about to wake up so I ran across to him and hit him on the part he was just using with my wife. I kept hitting him till the time it actually fell off. Jimmy and my wife lay there motionless but I just couldn’t stop myself from hitting them not because I couldn’t but because I didn’t wanted too. I wanted to show everyone that I am not the same coward person anymore. I kept hitting them till there was something left to hit. By the time I was finished, both of them looked as they had been run off by a truck or something like that. That was the time I felt satisfied and I finally stopped.

Now as I look myself in the mirror, I see a monster that had been hiding under my skin for I don’t know how many years. People might say I have just become a monster, but I know I always was. Aren’t we all monsters under human skin waiting to be unleashed?? I think so, do you??   

  

Sands Of Time (Part 10)

And god knows she didn’t lose any hope .She took him out on his favorite places she knew he went. But she was extra careful by not taking her to the place where she and Pratima might have been, which was difficult because they had been together for so many times and had practically been everywhere. So somehow she always found out some place or something to do. She thought about telling him how she felt but she figured he needed a friend more than anything now and she was willing to be that for him. I will tell him, I will, but at the right time. She thought to herself.

One day they were returning from a place and it was almost evening. She decided to talk a walk to home as the weather was really good. There was a slight breeze carrying the whiff of freshly ripped apples in the air. It was cool and hopefully rainy. They were talking the whole way. Just talking, nothing specific nothing special. Suddenly she realized it started drizzling lightly. She loved the rain. Especially this because it was the first time that he was with Aryan. Aryan ran towards the shelter to cover himself up but Reet loved the rain and she even pulled him out of it just to enjoy the rain. Aryan felt a sudden burst of smile on his face, the smile that secluded him for so many days now. Reet loved herself for making him smile again. She stopped whatever she was doing and started staring at him like it was god itself smiling at her. She moved closer to him. It was late in the evening and no one was around. Even if it was she would not have cared. She moved closer with her heart pounding faster every second that passed by. She went so close to him that she even felt his body warmth for the first time.

 Raindrops started falling slowly. Everything in the universe felt perfect. Everything was moving slowly. Her teeth cluttered due to the chill. Her lips were trembling because of the nervousness on what she was about to do. She went in closer to him, Wrapped her arm around him. Aryan felt a sense of relief in her. He also wrapped his arm around her. She slowly moved closer and with her heart almost to her neck and her lips trembling badly she said “I LOVE YOU” and kissed him. Aryan didn’t resist as it was like that kind of relief he was looking for since Pratima left him. He held her closer to his mouth. And with his own trembling voice replied “I LOVE YOU TOO” and sealed the moment with a kiss.

After that they both went home told their parents about their feeling for each other. Their parents asked if they wanted to get married. They were both more than happy to say yes.

Within 1 year of their marriage, Reet gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Ishita……..

Then Aryan came back to the present. With his moist eyes he had just told his own love story to the girl he once loved. Pratima sat there almost crying to hear what she had done to him. But was happy to know that Reet was there to help him. Pratima started hating herself on being nothing but bad news to anybody. And due to that she started hitting herself lightly. The habit Aryan remembered and knew what to do in these situations. He went up and sat down on the chair close to her and hugged her and told her that it was not like that and she was good for anybody and reminded about Zenith, who she had brought up alone.

When he broke the hug he left Pratima with the sense of wanting it more. She saw Aryan sitting right in front of her. The very Aryan that she once loved. Her best friend. Her everything. Aryan told her that he had to leave because Reet and Ishita would be waiting for him in his home. He promised to her to bring Reet and Ishita along the next time he comes. He stood up, kissed her forehead and left.

She just sat there wondering what life would have been if she had chosen him over Rachit. For a moment she again found herself falling for Aryan all over again. But then she remembered something that her father once said to her when their dog ran away from their house when she was about Zenith’s age. It made her realized why Aryan never fought for her or reacted the way she imagined the day she chose Rachit over him. It was that if you truly love someone you should let them go because if your love is true, than their happiness becomes more important to you than your own. Love with your heart and with full devotion and the god shall be with you. 

Sands Of Time (Part 9)

They reached home and by then everyone had went home. She put Zenith down for sleep and came out of the room and saw only Aryan standing there. She saw him and gestured towards the seats, went there and sat. Aryan came and sat leaving a gap of one chair, fearing she might hug him again. None of them knew what to talk about. Both of them were just sitting there looking at each other.

“Who was the girl that was with came with you??” he somehow awkwardly asked.

“She is mine and Rachit’s daughter, Zenith. He died when she was just about a year old.”

“Yeah I heard about him during that time. Sorry about that. He died a martyr.”

“Yeah”

“So how have you been?? It had been almost 10 years since I had seen you. Last time I saw you was…………” he just remembered that day and somehow could not say anything.

“Yeah I know, well after Rachit I had been really busy in my life. I ran away thinking I might be saving my parents some embarrassment but I guess what I did was in repairable.”

“No it is not so, and you know that. You did what you thought was right at that time and that is how life goes.”

Then they got to talking and Aryan asked all about how the past 10 years were like. Everything about Zenith. Everything about everything.

“So that is pretty much it from my side, you tell how have things been on your side?”

“Well to start with I am married to a beautiful girl Reet now and I have a beautiful little daughter Ishita, right about the age of Zenith.”

“Wow, so tell me your story, how you met this girl Reet???”

“Well it is a very long story.”

“Well I guess we do have the time” she said smiling. The smile that pushed Aryan about 10 and a half years back.

10 AND A HALF YEARS BACK…..

It had been just few days since Pratima left for the army. Initially Aryan felt that yes I can do it. She is there serving the country n the least I can do is to support her. Make her stronger not weaker

But in some time all the lies that he told himself that he can live without her were falling apart one by one. He started missing her so badly that he almost spent his whole day visiting the sites where he and Pratima used to meet. This was affecting his health as well as business. But he had no idea what to do. Just then a thought struck his mind. He had read something somewhere on how you should write down your feelings if you can’t tell those to the person. He knew if he tried to contact her, she will know that he is missing her and would start thinking about him too. Which as it is doing to Aryan affect her work. Which he never wanted. So all he had to do was to write down his feelings for her. He came running back to the house. Flashed his way into his room and started looking for a pen and a paper. He was initially very confused on what to write and if he did write this letter should he send it or not? He then tried Pratima’s method; he closed his eyes and tried to think about her. The way she looks, the way talks, the way she walks, the way her eyes light up every time she starts smiles, the way her dimple looks on her right cheek, the small little cute mole on her face that she always hates. Suddenly he realized what he had to write. He gathered his thoughts and started writing.

Hey baby,

I know I wasn’t supposed to miss you so much, but it is all I am able to do. The last time I felt alive was the last time I saw you, since then I have only been a dummy walking and talking but not living. Only if I knew I was going to see you after such a long time, I would have frozen the time there and then and watched you just standing there smiling at me. You know every night when I go out and see the starts shining, all I can think about is you, I thank god for every mistake I did because that brought me to a path that lead to you…………………………………………………………………..

He got up to this when he heard a loud honk just right outside his door. There was a car, followed by a moving truck. The house that was right in front of their house was sold to a family. Man his wife and his daughter. Daughter was about Aryan’s age. He completed the letter. Put it in his back pocket and left out to meet the new neighbors.

He rang the doorbell. A lady came out.

“Hello, I am Aryan Sharma. I live in that house right in front of yours. I thought I should stop by and ask if you need anything??”

“Oh hello, I am Mrs. Gupta. I am o glad you came. It is good to see people helping others out in these times too. Why don’t you come in and meet the rest of the family??” she asked ecstatically.

“Oh I would love to.” And he went inside. He had seen that house more than a 100 times before too. But right now it all looked so different. With all the new furniture and all, he remembered the time when Pratima’s family shifted right next to their house.

“Hello young man. Myself Mr. Gupta. Welcome to our new house. I suppose you live in the house that is right in front of ours??” he asked.

“Yes sir, oh and I am Aryan.”

‘Pleasure to meet you”

“Me too sir”

“I would like you to meet my beautiful daughter Reet.”

“Hi, nice to meet you” he said shyly.

“You too.” She replied even more shyly.

So this was the first meeting of the many meeting to come. Aryan liked to spend time with Reet. They became really good friends. He told her all about Pratima and she was really excited to meet her soon. But what Aryan didn’t know was that Reet formed a certain kind of likeness towards Aryan. Even knowing that he was in love with someone else she could not help falling to him. He had a crush on him since the first time she saw him sitting by his window writing something lost in his thoughts. But because of the already complicated situation she never confessed her feelings for him. That was the reason that when she heard Pratima was getting back from her services and he would be married off with her soon she somehow persuaded her father to allow her to stay at her aunty in Chandigarh for a while. About the time the wedding was over. It had already been hard on her, loving a person who she knew loved someone else.

A few months later when she heard about what happened during the wedding of Aryan and Pratima she felt bad and thought Aryan needed a friend. So she packed up and went all the way back.

When she reached his home she saw Aryan devastated. He looked like he had not eaten or slept for days now. He stopped talking to anyone. His parents feared he might not do something to him so they seeked her help. She went into his room, she saw him looking outside that very same window that she for the first time looked at him. He was lost in his thoughts just like the first time but this time he looked pale. She went ahead and without saying anything hugged him.

Aryan had not felt something like that in days. For a second he felt that Pratima came back but when he turned around and saw Reet standing there his excitement fell down and he turned away again. But Reet was determined to make him happy

Sands Of Time (Part 8)

“It is Rachit.”

She said that and then paused. It was like the time had stopped. The wind stopped blowing. The sun stopped glowing the moon stopped shining. It was the time no being was living it was the time no being was dead. There were only three of them present on the face of the earth. It was like no one ever lived there. Pratima had a look of confidence on her face, Rachit was shocked and happy. Aryan was devastated to his very core. This morning he had everything. He was doing well in business. He was to marry the love of his life. He had everything going perfectly for him in within his whole world had crumbled in front of his eyes. It was the end of the world as he knew it.

But the weird thing was that Aryan didn’t want an explanation for her choice. He knew that if she chose Rachit over him then there must be a possible and a proper reason for it. The reason that he might not be able to fully understand. The reason he didn’t honestly wanted to understand. He knew he had lost her forever. He saw the way she looked at Rachit. That was the moment he realized that they were meant to be together. And no matter what Aryan could not stand Pratima being tensed or sad. And moreover to be a reason for that, that feeling was killing him inside. So he knew he had to let Pratima go. No matter how much he loved her. No matter how much he cared about her. It was after all her own decision and the best Aryan could do was to support her as he always did no matter what the situation or the consequences were. He looked up again and felt that Pratima was trying to say something to he stopped the avalanche of thoughts that was going in his head to listen to what she had to say.

“I know it might not be the right thing to do right now, but it is how it is. If I hadn’t done it before the wedding I would have hated myself for the rest of my life. And moreover it would have been unfair to Aryan as well that his own wife thought about how the life was going to be with someone else.”

“Rachit there can never possibly be any rational or reasonable explanation for what I am doing or what I have done till now except for the fact that he was the guy on the white horse for me. Not you but him. When I closed my eyes and asked god to help me with this all I thought about was the time that we spent together in the forest. How he saved my life. The way he cared about me, the way he looked at me when he first said that he had feelings for me. I am sorry. I really am. But I can’t help it. And I know I should not be asking for this but all I can expect from you is some support because you know it I really need a friend right now. I am sorry Aryan. I still love you and will always do. But I guess I love him more. Maybe it is wrong but I can’t help it and I need you to be with me. Are you with me in this?”

“What can I say… sure I am with you.” Was the best that he had got. He felt as if someone was ripping his heart right out, slicing it and than cutting each piece into smaller pieces. But the best he could do, all he could do was to let her go because if you truly love someone then their happiness becomes a priority. And god knew Aryan wanted to see Pratima happy. What if she didn’t have any feeling left for him. He still loved her and would always do.

EXACTLY 10 YEARS LATER….

Now it had been 10 years since Rachit and Pratima got married. They moved out to Delhi soon after marriage. But about 2 years later, a war started and because Rachit was still on passive duty he was called on. And unfortunately after a few weeks after he re joined active services he was killed in a suicide bombing attack near their base. He left behind a grieving wife and a beautiful little daughter Zenith. She was just about 1 year old when Rachit was killed. Pratima joined a NGO that worked for the upliftment of the wives of the martyrs of the soldiers of the Indian army. Life was hard even for a single mother and she had a child too to support too. Life was never easy for her but now she had a reason to live. She had Zenith. She was her little angel. She was the only part of Rachit she was still left with. She was her world. The little girl adored her mom too. Her big brown eyes that were just like Rachit’s lit up every time she even heard Pratima voice. And as she grew up to be a little lady her beauty kept on growing. She was just like how Pratima used to be. But Pratima was not like what she used to be. Time and work had taken their toll on her. She looked much older than her age. She sometimes even thought of ending her dreadful life of her which according to her never did well for anybody. But then she saw Zenith and she knew she had a reason to live. She lived not for her or anybody else but for her little girl.

One fine day she was just getting ready to leave for her office and drop Zenith off at her school when she received a call. She recognized the number. It was from her home. From Waknaghat. It had been 10 years since she had been there. When she called off the wedding with Aryan she ran out just to save her parents the embarrassment. She was not expecting the call but then a sudden thought struck her mind. Was everything all right?? She prayed to god that everything was fine when she picked that phone. But all her prayers could not have undone that had already happened. Her father had died in his sleep. She went numb as soon as she heard the news. Tears came down her eyes thinking about her father. Zenith came running into the room when she heard her mum crying. She asked her what had happened but Pratima could not say anything. What could she have possibly said? Should she say to her that her grandfather died? The grandfather Zenith never knew she had? The grandfather for all Pratima knew would have loved Zenith more than he had loved anything in his entire life?

She somehow got the courage and told Zenith about her grandfather. Zenith was much mature then her age and she understood everything her mum said to her. She even started crying thinking about she didn’t even had the chance to at least meet him for once. But she knew all about what happened with her mum dad and Aryan and knew her mother did the right thing. She always did the right thing. For her, her mother was the supreme. She could not ever believe that whatever her mother did could even remotely be wrong.

So that day Pratima went to her office and Zenith’s school to get leave of absence and booked the train tickets for Waknaghat. A day later they reached.

Just getting off that train filled Pratima with nostalgia. She remembered everything about the city that she grew in. every road every tree every branch. She felt like she returned home after 10 years. When they came back home her father was cremated. While returning home she saw Aryan. It had been 10 years since she had seen her and he had not changed even a little bit. She tried not to think about him. But when he spotted her he came right over to console her. Pratima thought how happily her father would have died if she had married Aryan and still lived there. She was just getting lost in thoughts and possibilities when Aryan reached towards her.

“Hey are you all right?” he came and asked.

“Yeah I guess.” She replied. She did not understand whether it was that her father had died or the fact that she had seen him after such a long time or both she could not help crying. She started crying and the moment she started crying Aryan went closer to her and hugged her and consoled her. She had felt his shoulder after such a long time that it made her cry even more. Seeing her mother crying Zenith started crying too. When Pratima heard Zenith crying she suddenly stopped and hugged her daughter. Aryan did not know what to do so he suggested that they should go home now. Pratima did not wanted to leave Aryan or Zenith so all of them came home together. While on the way Zenith felt asleep. Pratima was lost in her father’s thought. She suddenly realized that none of them knew that she had a daughter now and the girl with her was the granddaughter of the man who just died. 

Sands Of Time (Part 7)

She somehow got the courage to look up and what she saw was more surprising than she had expected. She expected Aryan to burst out in anger and even start throwing things around, she expected that he will start fighting with Rachit. She even expected that he will even slap her; she was ready for all that. But she was not ready for what he was doing, which was nothing. He had the blankest face she had ever seen. Maybe he was so lost in his thoughts that he might have forgotten to react. Maybe it was too hard for him to grasp all this in so little time. Obviously this was a shock, she figured he might need his time to think about all that she had said. She was sure her heart had forgotten to beat because she could not feel it. She just felt a vein paining going all the way from her forehead to the back of her head. Surprising enough, except that vein she didn’t felt anything. Not her arms not her legs nothing. She almost felt as she was floating in air.

While one the other hand Rachit was flabbergasted but subtle. He knew that she loved him but this much? This was astonishment for him too. Though he as happy to hear all that he felt bad for Aryan. Even he was surprised with Aryan not doing anything. He had never anticipated this but now that this did happen, he felt she might have a chance to spend his life with Pratima.   

Now everything depended on Aryan. He was the one whose reaction everyone was waiting for. He was still so lost in his own thoughts that he did not even realized that it had been about half an hour since any of them spoke. Rachit somehow tried calling him once or twice but his face was as blank as the mountains when they are covered in snow. Pratima was thinking, and was even a little doubtful on what his mental condition was. She wanted him to speak, to yell, to say all the things that a normal person might do. All the things she might do if put in a similar type of a situation. But there was still no sign of reply from his side. Both Rachit and Pratima were getting impatient.

Just then it was like everything went blank. Aryan looked up with eyes filled with tears. He wanted to ask her what he had done wrong. But if he even understood her he knew that Pratima realized that what she did was wrong. It was him that was wrong, it was her. He took all what was left inside of him just to utter something but every time he tried nothing came out. Maybe he didn’t have the words to say, his mind was playing games with his heart. He was numb. With all the strength he had he came up with “What now???”

“Ummm… I guess now I will have to choose one of you. And I swear it is practically the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. I wish I could make both of you understand that I love both of you equally. But I will have to choose because it would be the fairest thing to do. I know I might not be the one to talk about the fair things in life but it is all I have and it is all I can do to make things right for at least one of you.”

“So who is it going to be??” Rachit asked.

She looked at both of them. She went back to where it all started. It was like she was living in flashback. Photographs in her memory came up from the day she met Aryan to this day know that they were sitting here in this situation. Then she went back to her search and rescue mission with Rachit. How she thought of him to be filled with attitude and how he saved her life, that lip lock while he was giving her mouth to mouth. That white horse. All that was floating in her mind. But then it was complete silence. Complete whiteness around her. It was that she was somewhere in outer space. She prayed to god to help her in taking the right decision. She closed her eyes and saw only one of them. That was the moment she realized who he was going to be. That was the moment it was all clear. That was the moment she was surer than she had ever been in her life.

Sands Of Time (Part 6)

“Hi, I might say is a surprise to see you here.”

“I wish I could say the same. I was expecting you. Pratima called you here right??”

“Yeah but how do you know?”

“She told me she had something important to talk about with me and you.”

“Everything alright?? She had been acting is bit weird lately.”

“When I asked this in the morning she said no, but she said this was the reason she called both of us here. To make things alright. ”

“Well let’s hope it’s nothing serious.”

“Yeah…. Well here she comes.”

Pratima entered the coffee house not by her feet but with all she had left inside of her. Every step she took looked like a punishment. Her heart stopped the moment she spotted both of them looking over towards her. She felt today was the end of one side of her. Today was the end of Pratima as everybody knows. She had a part of her in both of them and she knew whatever she did today, she won’t be complete from now on. She might be happy, but incomplete.

On the other hand the Aryan’s and Rachit’s mind were thinking-

Oh my god I can’t believe she is so beautiful. And I can’t believe she is going to be my wife in a few days. God I love her so much. I can do anything just to see her happy. Just to see the spark in her eyes, the glow on her face. If ever god made a perfect woman, I am sure she won’t be more beautiful, smarter and braver then Pratima.

Oh my god I can’t believe she is so beautiful. I wish I could just look at here forever in my life. God I just wish if there was still a chance for me to spend the rest of my life with her. I could never explain to her what she means to me. I know I won’t be able to love someone more than I love her. If there was something like death at wish, I wish I would die right at this moment, so that I’ll know that I died watching my life.

Pratima came up to the table where they were sitting. Both of them got up, to receive her. Aryan spoke first.

“Hey Rachit here told me you had something you wanted to talk about???”

“Yeah Pratima what is it?? You can tell us?? ”

She somehow got the courage to speak up carefully while looking down at the table so she won’t have to face their eyes while she was saying this. “Well first of all I want to say that this is the most difficult thing I had to do during my entire life. I wish it could remain the same but I know it can’t. Aryan there is something I need you to know about me and Rachit. When we were stranded alone in that forest, the way he saved my life, the way he did everything, I could not help to fall in love with Rachit. He was just so perfect in everything. From the way he fought to the way he cooked food for me to the way he looked. Everything was just so confusing. I mean I tried not to; every night before going to sleep I apologized to you a thousand times in my mind just too even think about him when you were the one for me. But all I know, I fell in love with him. Not that I loved you less, it is that he saw a part of me no one ever did, not you not dad not even me, a part even I didn’t knew existed. That part of me was his. And when we returned from the mission he told me that he loved me too. Due to some reason I could not tell him that I was engaged to be married to guy I am in love with. I wish I did, but I could not. Maybe because I never thought I will meet him again. I thought it was just a fling that will pass by as soon as I got away from him. Then I got your letter and god knows I hated myself for even remotely thinking about myself with another man. I knew you loved me, but you never actually expressed that in words before that letter. I read your letter for a thousand times and hated myself even more. As soon as I came home I thought I will forget him. I thought I don’t need him. Our days were going happily till the time he and Col. Shah came home. I thought I had forgotten about him. I thought I could live without him. But then he smiled at me and ruined it all. I never meant any of this to happen but I somehow did and whatever I do I can’t rewind the time and mend all the wrongs I have done. You are perfect. You have always been perfect. But I am just ME. I make mistakes. I made some. Now I can’t even do anything about them, and the worst part about this is, I cheated with someone I loved the most in my life.”