Split Screen Sadness

You know the feeling you get when you are neither asleep nor awake, just somewhere in between. A place in which you try your best to open your eyes and wake up but you can’t? A place where everything thing is exactly as you want it to be, no reality to come and screw your dreams up? A place where your mind works up for the perfect place and your body is too tired to deny it?

It should be around 10 in the morning in the middle of the month of June, and for some of those who don’t know, June is the month hottest in the place I live. So at 10, the place was over 40° C, which is well, quite hot. I was in no mind to wake up, but the direct sunlight in my eyes was telling me it wasn’t just my day. I hate the invisible mesh that forms around the eyes when you wake up from deep sleep, and deep sleep it was, considering I almost slept 17 hours at a stretch. I know it is kind of weird, but chug down 2 bottles of alcohol and try to wake you up before that, you will get to know what I mean. I was never a drinker, so it happens every time I do. Somehow I open my eyes, to start yet another day of my pathetic life, trying to survive yet another time. I somehow get up to get myself a glass of water, but I don’t think simple water works with severe headache, and last time I checked, I didn’t have any limes. So well, I was practically screwed.

I take one look at the calendar and realize it has been almost a month, 29 days and 23 hours to be exact, since it happened, since she left me. I know it doesn’t take a Sherlock to tell you that it is one of those heart break problem. She was cute, not the most beautiful girl I ever saw. Even then I thought there was something special in her, her eyes may be. I really am no romantic, but I always thought her eyes spoke to me, even when her words don’t. Smile too, yes; she had one of those cute little dimples on one of her cheeks, made me ponder over whenever I looked at it.

Putting on my boxers and walking up to the sofa, I try to imagine what it was like when was with her, unfortunately, it doesn’t help my headache. I should start finding a medicine for it rather than roaming around the house. But what the heck right. So where was I? Yes, her dimples. But I finished that I guess. Sorry, moving on. Getting from that you have read it this long, I think I should rather tell you about our so called love story. We were in the school together, and no it wasn’t a teenage romance. We were just good friends. I kind of liked her, she kind of liked me, and so it was nice. So the school got over pretty soon and we were left out of touch for about 4 or 5 years I guess. Till the time we met her at a coffee shop some blocks down. Coffee, reminds me, I should make myself a cup of coffee, should help with the headache. Returning back, we met at this coffee shop, she saw me and I saw her but none of us had the courage to go and talk to the other. I mean what could we have talked about all these years, I was sitting there with my girl friend, and she was there with a guy, presumably her boy friend. He was at least 3 inches taller and was at least 20 kilograms heavier than me, so I preferred not to walk up to her. When we finished our coffee, we means me and my girl friend, at that time, I got up to pay the bill. The cashier told me the women who was just here, her, left her number for me, and said that the guy with her was her cousin. I was assumingly delighted. I didn’t tell my girl friend about it, I always liked this ambience of mystery.

I got home and I called her, not having the slightest idea of what to talk, but thank god she carried the conversation forward. We met, a few times may be and the old flame sparked again, if you may. I thought it was the best for me to break up with my girl friend. And it did, it was a mutual parting, no drama at all. I told her, her not my girl friend who was now my ex, that I liked her at high school and she said she liked me too. Think about the rivers of happiness flowing inside my body. So with in time, the liking grew to become love and soon enough, we were madly in love with each other. Me a little bit more than her, I think. We used to meet many times during the week, daily most of the times. I know I said I am not a romantic but I am now going to say the cheesiest line ever said by anyone in the history of the world, the best time of my day was when I met her, and worst was when I had to drop her off.

But they say, time is very powerful, and powerful it was. Even though we were in love, I think, it was hard for us to be together in the same room without spontaneously combusting, fighting in the normal non dramatic sense. The more we got to know each other, the more we found out how much we were different. There was a point when I thought we were exactly opposite of each other and no, contrary to popular belief, opposites don’t attract, and they cut each other out. One day our fight got out of hand and she stomped out. I tried calling her but she didn’t reply. I tried texting her but she didn’t reply. After a few days, her friend called and said she, her not her friend, wanted to break up. I won’t lie saying I wasn’t expecting that, so I had prepared myself for it.  I agreed and we parted.

It has now been exactly a month since that happened. Now, thinking back, I kind of miss her. I did after all love her. Now every now then I walk up to random girls I meet, some I get lucky with, some I don’t, but it’s just that I haven’t yet found out someone who makes me feel the way she did. Maybe I will meet someone, maybe I won’t, but I do want to keep trying. I don’t know whether we did well by breaking up or not, but all I know is, amidst of this heat, my alcohol infused breath and my headache; she is now a part of my split screen sadness.